I thought I would see John tonight. I mean, I didn't really have a reason to think that I would, but I hoped. And that was just stupid. But you know what was even stupider? I got dressed up for him. Sort of. I was still working work clothes, but I did my hair and make-up much nicer than what I would normally do for working in a factory. It was so pathetic. What was I thinking? That he would see me all dolled up and say, "My God! You're so beautiful! I must have you now!" Part of me would like that, of course.
It's so sad. I can't believe what a spectacle I made of myself. Who does this? I kept looking for him when I got there and my heart would skip a beat when I saw someone who kind of looked like him. I guess I'm in high school again.
I was talking to another lady that I always see there and she told me that her husband was laid off this week. No notice. No warning. Comes in that morning and is gone less than two hours later. She works, but doesn't make a lot of money and they have some debt so things are already tight. While we work, she's pouring out her heart about how hard things are and do you know what I'm thinking, "Where is John?!?"
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I'm an awful person.
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