And He's Gone Again

My husband that is.  He travels for business most weeks.  Out on Sunday night or Monday morning and back on Friday.

Now some of you who assume yourselves to be clever will say, "Oh - well there's the reason why you're so unhappy in your marriage!"  But no, my husband's travels are not the source.  He's only recently started traveling and our relationship has been weird for a long time.  But it does bring the pathetic state of our marriage to light.  I mean - if I'm fine with having a 10 minute conversation with him once a day then that should seriously make me sad.  But it doesn't.  I get annoyed that I basically single parent and I don't like doing things like taking out the trash and having to fix the sink when it breaks, but for the most part I'm ok with how things are.

So tonight my husband left.  I was quite relieved to see him go.  All weekend I just felt guiltier and guiltier.  I'd see him playing with the girls or doing laundry and I'd feel horrible about all the thoughts that have been running through my head.  How can I be so mean and awful to someone who is so good?

Seriously ... he's just so good.  He's involved with the girls' lives almost as much as I am.  He cooks and cleans and takes care of the girls when he's around.  He's kind to everyone.  He's smart and sweet and thoughtful.  He tries to make sure that I have time to myself every week and also tries to take me out to have some one-on-one time.

And I'm ready to pitch him over the edge for some guy I just met.  Well ... not really.

Not yet.